The Accuser & The Accused
by Inks Inc
Summary: Abby's infamous cupcake investigation culminates late at night, incurring some unexpected results for both she and McGee. Warning: Mild Corporal Punishment. Tag to Capitol Offence 6x03


"I have now completed my full and frank investigation and the results have been conveyed to you. The accused," she shot Tim a baleful glare, "Is forensically, legally and morally guilty. I expect justice to be administered swiftly and severely."

Abby's pronouncement hung over Gibbs' desk like a dense smog.

She and Tim stood in front of it, in an otherwise empty squad room, accentuating the headache that was already burning a hole through the team-leads brain. He stared up at his favourite lab rat with the silent plea to go away and give him a break. Her narrowed gaze answered him in a nanosecond and he sighed tiredly. McGee for his part was looking at him with a silent plea of his own. The _please help me_ plea. That just made him sigh all the harder.

"Abby. It was just a-"

"Egregious breach of trust and friendship, yes. You're right. I expect the punishment to fit the crime."

She jerked her head towards the abashed computer specialist.

"He better not be sitting tomorrow. Or the next day."

Tim squawked. He blanched. He goggled the woman he thought of as a sister in shock. He knew he shouldn't have eaten her damned cupcake. It wasn't as if habitually helped himself to other people's snacks, but it was late and he'd been starving. He'd intended to replace it, it had just slipped his mind. When Abby kicked up the mother of all fusses upon discovering its loss, he didn't fancy the migraine involved with owning up. He thought it was just blow over. In hindsight, that was one hell of a dumb thesis.

"You think I should be spa…" he blushed, "Uhh…corporally punished for this? Are you _insane?"_

She hissed in a foreign tongue under her breath, turning to him with flashing eyes.

"I think you should be publicly flogged for this! Or have your hand severed, like the _thief_ you are."

"Mother of…" Gibbs shook his head and stood. Tim was getting ready to argue back, vehemently, and he didn't have the stomach for an all-out brawl. His rousing caught both Abby and McGee's attention. Leaning over the desk, planting both hands firmly upon it, his gaze was borderline murderous. He was devoid of caffeine by his standards, he was tired and he hadn't held a chisel and a glass of bourbon at the same time, in quite some time.

"Enough," he decreed quietly, "That's enough."

His calm voice vibrated with warning and even Abby heeded it, closing her mouth reluctantly. Tim stared down at the floor and braced himself. This was it. He was banged to rights. Abby had traced his DNA to that damned cupcake and her results were irrefutable. His confession had been a mere bonus. Abby was the boss' favourite and upsetting her in any way, shape or form was a serious transgression, usually dealt with quite thoroughly.

Wiping a hand across his jaded brow, Gibbs squeezed his forehead tiredly.

"McGee. You shouldn't have taken that damned cupcake. You don't take what's not yours. You know that. Are we clear?"

Nodding miserably, Tim nodded.

"We're clear."

Abby's triumphant _ha_ was however, premature.

"And you, Abby," Gibbs continued, turning his glare on the surprised looking scientist, "You do _not_ spend considerable time and resources, investigating the misappropriation of a damned cupcake! Are we clear?"

She opened her mouth in outrage, her shoulders jerking in ire.

His level gaze, tinged with warning, put paid to her display of outrage. She swallowed.

"We're clear."

He nodded, wondering if he was too old to put in for a transfer to some Hawaiian island. Somewhere where no one under the age of forty was permitted. Somewhere where they served beer for breakfast and bourbon for dinner. He made a mental note to investigate those possibilities as he rummaged in his desk drawer, extracting what he needed not long after depositing it from a run in with Tony. He felt age wash over him as he nudged the drawer shut, quietly ensuring no one else was in the bull pen.

The heavy wooden ruler tapped quietly against his palm.

"Tim, you were in the wrong by taking Abby's cupcake. You should have asked, or in lieu of asking, you should have owned up immediately when it became clear it was gone and got a replacement. Abby, you wasted Agency time and resources by running a ridiculous investigation into the theft of a baked good. This is a federal Agency. Treat it as such."

He pointed the ruler at Tim first.

"Right hand out, palm up."

Closing his eyes and resolving to go Vegan, Tim grimaced before holding out the selected limb.

The six heavy and rapid swats got a gasp out of him and then it was over. Snapping his hand back and sandwiching it under his arm, he pressured the stinging pain away, shocked that it appeared to be the extent of his chastisement. What shocked him even more, to the core, was that the ruler was now pointing at Abby. His shock was nothing compared to hers as her eyes popped with confused surprise, only serving to set Gibbs' glare further in ice.

"Right hand out, palm up."

She gaped.

"Gibbs, you cannot be serious. I-"

"I am decidedly serious. You've behaved just as, if not more badly, than Tim. I'm not joking around. So, unless you want to take this conversation to the conference room, you will put your right hand out, palm up."

Her mouth moved wordlessly, the realisation of her fanaticism hitting home.

She blushed.

Her hand extended slowly. The same sentence that had been handed out to Tim was meted out to her in equal force and speed. She gasped a little louder and whimpered on the sixth swat, but otherwise kept her composure. Following Tim's lead and pressing her hand under her arm, massaging the sting out as Gibbs threw the ruler back down, she closed her eyes.

"Sorry, McGee. I was such a-"

"An overly dramatic brat," Gibbs interjected helpfully, slumping back down into his chair.

She offered him a half-hearted glare.

Tim, an eternally forgiving and kind guy, nodded his acceptance.

"That's ok, Abbs. I'm sorry I was such a-"

"An inconsiderate idiot," Gibbs interrupted cordially, weighing the merits of a Chinese or Indian takeout.

Tim shot him a look of mild offence.

"Go away now," the tired SSA murmured quietly, "You people have collectively tested my patience till the bitter end today. I need some alone time. Go and kill each other somewhere else. I've done all I can. I'll feel no guilt at your autopsies." He gestured to the elevator. "There are no cameras on the bottom floor, right hand corner as you get out. Perfect place for a murder. Knock yourselves out. Call Tony if you want a referee."

The two stared at him in mild shock, before Abby rolled her eyes to high heaven, tucking her arm through Tim's, who chuckled as she led him away, his poor attempt at a whisper carrying back to the eye-rolling SSA.

"May this inconsiderate idiot take you to dinner?"

She spluttered with laughter as they stepped into the elevator.

"This overly dramatic brat would be delighted to accept."

…

A/N: Random One-Shot.

…


End file.
